I FINALLY Went Back to the Gym And I Didn't Even Die

Well that was anti-climatic. The gym was sort of busy. (exhale, exhale). 

The only pair of tights that I can fight my now 40 pound heavier tights in were straining at the seams, but I opened my refreshed app to log in at the gym and I walked right in. Head. Held. High.

Yes, I did have to recite affirmations to myself the entirety of the 30 minute drive there.

Yes, I passed up several other closer gyms because I feel uncomfortable in them.

Yes, I deserve to spend this time on myself a few times per week. 

No, it wasn't easy. No, I didn't "own" the place, but I managed it.

I gave myself 60 total minutes on the floor to get my feel for the gym again. Let's remember that prior to the pandemic, I was at the gym 6-7 days a week, sometimes twice a day- for real. 

I know my way around the gym, but this is a new gym and I am a new me. I'm insecure. I'm really overweight. I'm burned out. I'm anxious. But, most importantly, I'm at a physical rock bottom. There's power at the bottom (tomorrow's post).

I have learned recently 

• done is better than perfect
• complete is better than ruminated on
• if I wait for my anxiety to go away to do things, I won't get anything done
• I deserve to take care of myself
• Doing WHATEVER it takes to get my health + fitness back is vital- no such thing as too much time or money to make it happen if I am able to budget and manage it
• Balance is a joke (I did know this), but now I truly see that if I want to squeeze my health back on my plate, some things have to go by the wayside and most importantly.. it's okay
• It's never going to be the "right" time or a "good" time to add yet another thing to do to the full day, I have to remove something else to make this happen
• reconfigure the budget to account for paying for the gym
• reallocate time to make the 3 hours each time I go (1 hour for commute and 1.25 for exercise and rest for cleaning/getting in and out/locker room)

I have a plan to go to the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays for now (with some Sundays thrown in depending on how everyone is feeling at home), and I'll work out at my house the other days. 

I will always report here on the daily blog about how it's going.

If you've been considering joining or rejoining the gym, I say go for it. I say do it even if you have a home gym. Even if you have to budget for it. You're worth it, and so am I.