Pros and Cons of Rejoining the Gym...

I am working to claw my way back into a well-lived life. The burnout is so real. The heaviness is so real. The feeling of being utterly alone is so real. How does one stand up after life has beaten you down so badly for so long... my answer is one movement at a time.

I truly believe that without my physical health, I will not feel better mentally. 

My entire mindset right now is, "How can I approach my goals in the easiest and most gentle way possible?"

I know that I don't need the gym. I know that I can workout at home.

However, here at home I am finding myself either NOT doing it,  or washing laundry in between sets, putting food in the oven, etc.

As my family's caregiver right now, ALL of my needs have fallen by the side of the road. I am clawing my way back, and I know that I am not capable of returning to my 5-day-a-week gym habit, neither do I want to, but I think making a commitment to going twice a week gives me something to look forward to, and the push I need right now.

Cons About Returning To the Gym

1. The distance. The gym is 25 minutes each way.
2. Paying for it. It isn't too much of a con because it isn't too pricey, but if I wind up not going, it's just flushing money down the toilet.
3. Anxiety. I have to watch germs I carry due to a family member's white blood cell count, and I am so heavy now. I am not comfortable in my skin (working on it).
4. The time per day. I am estimating it will take me 3 hours a day when I go- to get there, train, clean, get back. I am remembering that I am worth that time.
5. The people. Ugh. Body odor. Gross people staring at you. Being in the background of people's social media, etc.
6. Cold / snow. With daylights saving time, I will have to modify when I go to the gym because I don't live in a well lit area. This means the gym time will take up the bulk of the day because I will have to go midday.

Pros About Returning To the Gym

1. Dedicated place to have ONE focus- exercise. Being able to turn my mind off to the rest of my life and only focus on exercise will feel like a mental vacation.
2. Can use the drive to listen to music or audiobooks.
3. Feel a bit like myself again. I've forgotten who I am these past few years of caregiving as the pounds have piled on, I have gotten lost in the background. Going to the gym / training period was one of my top hobbies. This gets me back closer to myself.
4. I'll be facing a huge fear. Fear of germs. Fear of putting my much heavier body out into the world. Fear that I can never get my true self back. I will be facing these every time I walk into a gym.

So... I think today's the day. The day I just click the button, pay the money, rejoin, and find some time in the next week (holiday and all) to get in the gym and face this fear.

My plan for the first visit is just cardio and the leg press. I'll report back.