Trying a Gentle Approach to Weight Loss

This is my third attempt at this weight loss blog. 

I'm burned out. Overwhelmed. Exhausted. Sad.

My life has beaten me down and I thought that I could approach this weight loss the way I approached it before about 20 years ago and white knuckle my way through.

I thought by being severely focused and regimented I would fall right back in line with old self. 

Let me tell you a health story...

Until midway through 2020 I was effortlessly fit. I lost 80 pounds about 17 years before that and other than the odd 10 pound holiday weight gain here and there I maintained a level of fitness (all while severely stressed + having extreme endometriosis).. and then the pandemic happened. C-PTSD flared. My mom got advanced cancer. My disabled daughter got bad medical news. I lost my job. And the hits just kept coming.

I felt like I was still working out a bit. 

I felt like my diet was kind of okay.

Pound by pound. Inch by inch I grew. I ballooned up over 40 pounds!

I found myself crying late at night eating salted nuts and looking at pictures of videos of my life before (when things made more sense).

I distanced myself from everyone (not that I had any real family or friends to begin with).

I started to feel really sorry for myself. And I found a plethora of reasons why I should feel justified in crying myself to sleep.

The danger is that

While all of it is true- my reasons for being sad... my reasons for eating late at night... my reasons for quitting the gym and skipping some workouts, the end result was/is the same.

I'm now middle aged, technically obese, experiencing situational anxiety and depression and I am alone.

NOTHING changes the results, even if I can justify the behaviors.

This time around, I've wiped this site clean. I am going to be more vulnerable and honest and I am going to take a gentle approach to this weight loss.

I'm writing this on a frosty Monday morning in Fall. The perfect time for change. 

I have a lot of thoughts in my head, and I know I can't be the only one in a predicament like this. I can't be the only woman feeling this way in mid-life. I just can't. 

My prayer is that even ONE person can find this blog and find inspiration or understanding from it. My biggest pain point is how alone I feel. How utterly and devastatingly alone I feel every day. 

Here's my gentle weight loss promise to myself for this week:

1. I will blog here every day my truest of feelings. No more hiding here.
2. Journal what it is I truly want- I have forgotten how to ask myself that.
3. Find a way to "soften" my internal dialogue. Remove all the "you should have known better" statements, and replace with, "it's okay, you're doing your best".
4. Decrease streaming time. I don't use social media much, but I over watch YouTube and Netflix (or any streaming service) to avoid my own thoughts.
5. Read more. I am an avid reader, but have been leaving my books unread to binge watch reality tv that I don't even care anything about.

All I can think to myself is that this way of trying to lose weight will take SO long, but the truth is if I had taken a more gentle approach 12 months ago when I started this, who knows where I would be now.

The time is passing anyway, so I may as well stand up and show myself some compassion and make some changes.

If any of this sounds like something you want or need to be a part of, feel free to post a comment or email me at quinoaandkettelbells at gmail dot com. 

You are not alone. Hang in there.