Gentle and Soft Weight Loss Era

 

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Well, attempting to do it the hard + fast way doesn't work for me anymore.

I can only imagine if I tried to slow down and approach my weight loss journey from a calming angle where I would be.

I can't do anything about the past 2.5 years where I gained 40 pounds, but I can do something about today. 

As I travel around in the heat + rain of my trip, I am reminded that life is happening all around me. Celebrations, sadness, fun times, stress... it's all just a part of life. 

In order to fully life my life, I believe I have to be healthy. Fit. Strong. It's an honor and privilege to live without crippling disabilities, and as I struggle to move around in my body 40 pounds heavier, I have to remind myself (gently), that I did this to myself, and I can UNDO it to myself.

What I want to focus on:

1. Meditating and being kind to myself with my internal dialogue
2. Drinking water or herbal tea
3. Taking decadent hot showers (baths when I get home once a week or more)
4. Hot coffee that I drink with two hands
5. Journaling (I can only feel better after I write about things)
6. Realizing that it's okay. Things work out the way they are supposed to, and I can handle it

Enough of believing that my worth is found in being harsh to myself in energy or word or deed.

No one is coming to wrap me in a warm blanket and say, "There, there dear". I must do it for myself. And, that's okay. It truly is okay. 

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Gentle Weight Loss

1. Walking daily on walking pad in the house while reading or watching tv
2. Stretches at night (not committing to a full yoga practice at night like years before)
3. Morning and evening wellness routine (supplements, water, tea, face scrub)
4. Instant pot/crock pot soups and pan sheet meals
5. Make things easier on myself

I will commit to reading this plan for myself as often as I need to in order to begin restructuring how I am approaching this entire process. I deserve peace. I deserve slowing down. I deserve to be well.

Meditation helps me so much. Slowing down my daily activities helps me tremendously.

My hope for you

As I shower myself with warm, loving light, I hope and pray that you are able to do the same for yourself if you are on a wellness or weight loss journey. 

Traveling While Overweight: An Emotional Struggle

I haven't been overweight in decades and I am humbled for sure.

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Let me be clear: Who I am, and my worth isn't determined by the size of my dress or my physical attributes. However, I am human, and I miss feeling good in my skin 

As I pack, I realize I have been hiding in my house in the same tights and t shirts and wow, I can't fit a single thing. 

What I did:

1. Ordered flowy clothes from Amazon with overnight delivery (not proud, but hey...)
2. Went into the mirror and said 3 kind things to myself about my body (I have strong legs, my hair is shiny, my body has been with me my entire life and for that I am grateful)
3. Accepted that traveling overweight and in the summer heat will be more difficult so I need to put extra travel time in

Motivation

1. This trip. This summer have motivated me to start a new fitness/ food plan when I get back home. 
2. I can still take care of myself (do my hair, put on perfume, dress up a tad even though I am heavy)
3. Treating myself well IS the cure. The answer lies in my ability to love myself right here, right now 

Coffee is done. Time to do a meditation, have a hot shower, and focus on positive vibes. I'll do my best to post while I am out of town to keep myself somewhat accountable.

Thanks for reading my daily diary entry :) 

I'm Exhausted: Complaining Chronicles

The title says it all.

New trademarked series: The Complaining Chronicles.

Sometimes you just want to complain. Be pissed. Be annoyed, and not try make it better. Just let it suck, and be okay with that. 

I'm tired of:

1. caregiving and having no time for myself
2. being overweight and even worrying now about needing to lose weight
3. doing the same things day in and day out, only to do them again tomorrow
4. doing all of this myself without any help/support

Do you know what it's like to be literally bone tired?

We are heading for a vacation, and I have to do all of the planning, all the meds, all of the everything.  As much as I need a "break", I am ready to be back already, and relaxing. Is that weird?

Doesn't help that it's one million degrees outside. 

Sigh... complaining over.

Health and Fitness Info

1. I've done 2 Peloton classes (first in months)
2. Done short meditations everyday
3. Made myself take hot hot hot showers no matter how exhausted I am (Previously I was skipping showers on some days from sheer exhaustion)
4. Threw away a few items items in the house just because I was sick of looking at them (I've done a minimalist purge a decade ago, but have the urge to do it again)
5. Diet still needs work
6. I need to drink more water
7. Missed sleep one night. To bed at 3 am up at 8. Ouch.

My next complaining post will be much longer, but I am so annoyed that I can't even write more about it. 

Apparently It's at 6 pm That The Trouble Starts

The day goes so well, and then 6 pm hits and I throw it all out of the window.

I've observed and grown frustrated by this new fact for the past couple of months (so I guess it's not that new).

Yesterday was a blisteringly hot miserable and busy day. Hospital crowds, traffic, dehydration- the usual for a summer caregiving day without enough sleep.

When 6:30 pm hit, and dinner was made and everyone was settled... it started with cereal and yogurt. Innocent enough right? Nah... ate it all. Then a few more snacks. Then I turned on the TV for a documentary about bike riders, and that was it. I started feeling sad, overwhelmed, apathetic, etc.

It's a new day. I am proud of what I did well yesterday also, so let's recount that.

Monday's Victories:

1. The day started with a hot (summer or not) coffee with milk and journaling
2. I did a bike class (first one in months from the Peloton app and it was fun)
3. Lifted weights while listening/watching a Podcast (weird I know)
4. Did some stretching
5. Took a hot shower (trust me this goes on the list)
6. Did my hair (definitely makes the miracle list)

What I learned yesterday:

1. When I come inside from ripping and running, I need to put 15 minutes of space in between coming in and cooking/cleaning for them
2. The little break will help me not to drop down into a pit of despair
3. 15 minutes won't make or break their hunger if the meds are already given
4. 6:00 pm onward is a dangerous time. I have to find something to do then. My ideas are:
1. Shower (whether I need another one or not)
2. Go sit in my car with a book for an hour
3. Immediately at 6 pm drink about 32 ounces of water
4. Talk  a walk on my walking pad (but I've tried this plan and have yet to do it, so I don't count this is a viable option for right now).

Tuesday's Plan

If you can't tell by now, I am a planner. A list-making planner :)

1. Coffee + journaling
2. Meditation
3. Cardio + strength + stretching
4. Prepare for long appts today
5. Few errands
6. Take a 15-30 minute break when we come back
7. Prepare dinner + clean fridge

I have to approach this one day at a time or 1/2 a day at a time. I've been working on acceptance. SO many years into caregiving (added a family member) and I am still hurting behind the reality I face.

Okay... let's tackle Tuesday.

Here's How I Start Over... AGAIN

I kept resisting posting here - as if that changes my reality, but hospital visits, midnight sweet popcorn, and tears have left me exhausted, burdened and with 3 more pounds.

I want to be in a position where I can make a plan for fitness and just be able to follow it, but my life isn't in that place right now.

I don't want to hide from it anymore in case anything I write here can help someone else. Perhaps I can even help myself...

So, it's a Monday. We have a PET scan today for my mom's cancer. I slept 5 hours. And, all of that is okay. 

Right now

1. The iced coffee is delicious
2. It's a sunny morning
3. It's a Monday - fresh start
4. 3 pounds is better than 30 pounds (like last time)

What I know is

1. Starting over is powerful
2. If I start taking photos of my food or counting calories just to see what and when I am consuming food/snacks it can be eye opening
3. It's okay to just accept that right now is hard and I have to survive through it, not thrive through it
4. All hope is NOT lost

It would be easy for me to just quit and say, "it's hard right now, I'll try next month", but I won't. It's a Monday morning. After drinking this coffee, I am going to make some toast and almond butter, and lace up my shoes for a Peloton ride. 

THIS is grief. THIS is real life. THIS is the struggle. I'm alone carrying this weight, and that in and of itself is so hard.

I've committed to myself (and to the few readers who come here) that I will be more consistent, more open, and more transparent about this process of losing weight again and living well.

Perhaps it will help me to use this space as a journal of sorts, and document exactly what workouts I do, and exactly what I eat for the day...hmmm... okay, let's try that starting today. That means more than one post per day, but whatever, it's meant to be a diary!

I'm not ready to post my own photos, but I'll start adding some more stock photos to make the post a tad more appealing where I can. 

Message for you if you're struggling

You're not alone. I'm right there with you. It's hard. It's harder than people let on. You won't be crushed by it. It does feel that way, but it isn't true. It's a fresh Monday morning. A new week. A new chance to begin again. Join me. Let's not give up. 

Drink a glass of water. Do a few minutes of really deep breathing. Clear your mind and formulate a plan that you can stick to for just this day.

If you want to, you can leave a comment and we can support one another there. 

We've got this.