The Key Was in the Garage Gym

I say "gym" loosely. There's a spin bike. Check ✔️ Some kettlebells (duh) ✔️ and photos/ paintings from my daughter - nothing else. 

No matter how much I clean it, spiders and bugs (with bug catchers) seem to be more interested in using it at me at this point. 

I won't be too deterred. I will make sure that I am doing what I have to do to make the most of the private space. I thought I could work out AND sleep in the living room, and though they are two separate areas, I just can't. It's so difficult. Mentally there is a huge block.

From the living room to the garage next to the car

Don't conjure up any fancy ideas of a gorgeous home gym like the ones on YouTube. Nah nah nah. This is a mat. A bike. A stand with a few kettlebells, and the inability to do ANY work on the floor. No: pushups, floor stretches, floor core work, etc.)

I am grateful for the ability to have a tiny separate space, and I wish I used it sooner, but I will attempt to take full advantage of it now. Honestly, when I was my most fit, my nutrition was dialed in totally, and I used kettlebells and a yoga mat for 80% of my training. I miss that feeling. 

I miss the fit feeling AND the simplicity of it all. 

Momentum to go down there

Well, we've established I can't do much without caffeine- yes I'm aware that I would be healthier without it. I am just not at a point in my life where the withdrawals, and low mood are an option. 

I've just decided to lace up, drink some caffeine, and head down there with my tablet for a bike class or some background noise to swing my kettlebells.

I've entered the lottery for a race, and I am so hopeful that I will get in (500th time's the charm), and it can give me a focus goal. It may be time to sign up for 5ks either way. They are always so atmospheric, and just give you something to look forward to. 

Caregiving is hard

I struggle with not taking better care of myself because I feel guilty that the family members that I am caring for can't do the things I can do, but I have seen them in BETTER health and fitness than me recently, because I am training them with exercise routines, and preparing 100% of their meals and juices.

I have to remember that I matter. That I deserve to be healthy and fit again, and even if it's hard and I don't have anyone helping me or encouraging me, that I can do that for myself. I really can. 

I accept how hard it's going to be

And, I also acknowledge how hard it is to be overweight now, out of shape (my type of cardiovascular shape), and if something has to be hard, let it be waking up early and counting calories- NOT feeling the way I felt on vacation or not being able to fit any of my clothes.

It was in front of my face all along: The Garage

The spider filled, tiny little garage right next to my car. Ahhh. 

At least it has 4 walls and a door that I can close to cry, train, sweat, and remember who I am. It will be so hard, but I am not giving up on myself. Day one done.